AROO!

Jessica asked me to post about my Spartan Race experience from yesterday that some of you may have heard a little about already. Some friends from church and work invited/encouraged/cajoled/peer pressured/guilted me into running this thing with them and to their credit, they stuck with it and eventually got me to sign up. And the title of this post is some word or phrase that the Spartans would yell in response to their king's call for strength. I can't believe I got through that last sentence with a somewhat straight face. You can check out all the details you want at www.spartanrace.com, but I figure a good way to introduce this adventure would be to take some of the words from the website itself. The stuff in italics represents the reaction I likely had the first time I read about what this thing was all about: 

"Spartan Sprint - 3+ MILES / 15+ OBSTACLES. The challenging sprint obstacle trail races are a great way to get off your couch and start living. (I'll be honest, I can think of other ways to start living: golfing, going to movies, fishing, gardening, cooking, camping, reading, etc. I could go on and on and I'm not even breaking a sweat.) From beginner trail racers and mud run participants to hardcore warriors, tough guys and marathon runners, they all come out to test themselves on the insane obstacle races! (In case you are wondering, I'm firmly entrenched in that first category of people mentioned in that sentence.) 99.9% of all people who try this event will finish (sounds promising enough), and 100% will have their thirst for mud & trail racing fully satisfied! (I realize it technically is saying a thirst for mud racing, but the phrase "thirst for mud" sounds utterly repulsive, right?) Top 3 Males and top 3 Females at each Spartan Sprint qualify for a free entry into a Super Spartan of their choice. (Ummm, we can stick a big fat N/A next to that sentence.)" 

"Spartan Race™, the global leader in Obstacle Racing since 2005, was designed by eight insane ultra athletes. If you have tried trail races, mud runs, tough mudder runs, or a warrior dash, it's time to step up to a brutal Spartan Race obstacle course. You can tackle a Spartan Sprint (OK, why not?), a Super Spartan (No thanks.), maybe even attempt a brutal Spartan Beast (Pass.), but only a few of you will have the heart to graduate up to our Ultra Beast Marathon (Nope, definitely dropping out long before graduation.), an endurance race like NO other. Are you unbreakable? (No, definitely not. I'm most certainly breakable. Practically fragile.)"

"Why Spartan? Because the Spartans were tough as nails. Why race our obstacle course races? Because we all thrive under pressure, survival of the fittest. Our goal is simple... to get you off your couch, throw you in the mud & trails, and feed you one tough endurance event day that will be the adrenalin rush of your life. (So for those keeping track at home, apparently they quench thirst with mud and eradicate hunger through a tough endurance event.) An obstacle course race is designed to test your resilience, strength, stamina, quick decision making skills, and ability to laugh in the face of adversity. We want to own obstacle racing and our unique obstacle course trail races will demand every ounce of your strength, ingenuity, and animal instinct. (Animal instinct? What the heck am I getting myself into?) 

So race day started the same way every day of my life starts--with a selfie in the bathroom. Yes, that's my tough face. Yes, those are brand new, never been used (and will never be used again) weightlifting gloves to try and protect my hands throughout the race. And yes, I realize I look completely and totally ridiculous in this picture, but most of you know by now that I have not the slightest bit of shame anymore. None, really.

These are my friends Benjamin and Chris who convinced me to run this thing. They both ran it last year and have been training for a while in preparation for this one, which led to their confidence in baring their biceps. You can't see it so well in this picture, but trust me that my guns were firmly secured in their holsters. Benjamin was so good about convincing me to run the race and I'm glad he was, but since I didn't officially sign up until pretty recently, I also didn't start training. And the limited training that I did certainly wasn't enough to actually prepare for the race. Here was my preparation in its entirety: I started running a couple nights a week a couple weeks ago and I did a total of 2 circuit-type workouts (which both nearly killed me). I knew I was going to be in trouble, but I promised both myself and Jessica that I wouldn't try to be a hero and do something beyond my capabilities. I wanted to try my hardest in the race, but if I had to walk, I'd walk.

In terms of the race itself, I thankfully had heard enough from Benjamin and Chris and others about what to expect. I also had watched some videos online to see what the obstacles looked like. The 2013 version of this race was a little more than 5 miles and had more than 15 obstacles.  The obstacles ranged in difficulty from things like scaling a 6 foot wall to throwing a spear into bales of hay from a pretty good distance to climbing a hanging rope 15 or so feet. Based on the videos, there were many obstacles that I thought I'd be able to do alright, and there were a few (the rope, for example) that I knew were just not going to happen. Essentially, the upper body focused obstacles were going to prove difficult (Spoiler Alert: I was right). Honestly, upper body strength has never been my forte. Ever. Like even back in elementary school when they did those Presidential Fitness things and I'd do great on most every measure, but when it came to the chin ups/pull ups, I'd grunt and kick my legs and essentially go nowhere. The way the race works is if you can't complete an obstacle, you need to do 30 burpees. If you're not familiar with a burpee, try Googling "evil," "soul sucking," or "cruel and unusual." They really are awful. So by my count after watching the 2013 race and assuming this year would be a somewhat similar course, I was expecting to have to do about 4 sets of 30 burpees.

I won't bore you with all the details, but it was about 4.5 miles with 15-20 obstacles (depending on how you counted them). It started with some walls to climb over and go under. They had some mud streams (the first of which smelled like total sewage, so congrats to the course organizers for that one ... felt very Spartan). They had a bunch of barbed wire to crawl under with slippery mud waiting underneath (more grueling than it sounds). They had the monkey bars, which I completely lost grip of, which led to my first set of 30 burpees. They had an inverted wall that I can't believe I got up and over on my own. They had higher walls to scale, which I did thanks to some friendly help. They had a tire to flip over a couple times (or in my case, some more burpees to do). And that was just in the first couple miles. It was physically exhausting, but honestly it was mentally exhausting too watching every single step because I was worried I was going to slip and totally biff. 

Evidence that the barbed wire was legit. Or that I've had a hole in my swim trunks for the past couple years without realizing it.

The whole time I was running along, I knew some of the tougher obstacles (rope, this lateral rock climbing thing, the spear, etc.) were waiting at the end of the race, so I was mentally calculating just how many burpees I was going to have to do. I got through having to drag this rock by a chain and carrying this sandbag too. I'm sure I'm forgetting some of the obstacles, but honestly, there was just so much running through muddy trails that I sort of lost count. My calves and thighs, not to mention my lungs, were burning for the back half of the race.

They essentially put 4-5 obstacles all within the last half mile. I failed on the spear throw (you only get one shot, and while I came closer than I expected with it, I didn't quite stick it in the hay) and did my third set of burpees. We then had to lift some giant weight with a rope/pulley thing that was awful and I couldn't have done without serious help from my friends. That was followed immediately by the hanging rope, which you needed to start scaling from muddy water that was up to your thighs. Let's just say I did some more burpees, and at that point I had gone essentially 4.5 miles and done 120 burpees. I was pretty much spent. The final two obstacles were that lateral rock climbing thing that I had seen online and figured I'd be doing burpees for sure. But two things happened. 1) I was able to get a much better grip with my feet than I expected and more importantly, 2) some random competitor started holding my back after I had gone a little bit and helped me finish that thing. The final real obstacle was a wet ramp that you had to scale using a rope. I did much better with this one that I expected and with the final help of another stranger, got over it. I jumped the fire pit (sounds more extreme than it was) and crossed the finish line.

 The pictures don't really do justice to how much mud was all over me. My shoes were so heavy at the end. I'll admit that I was really proud of myself for finishing and accomplishing something that was legitimately hard. It felt good ... and really sore.

These are all the guys I ran with. In addition to Benjamin and Chris, John and Tyler (both from work as well) ran it. Poor Tyler had a banged up knee, but ran it like a champ. And John, who I officially just met the morning of the race, helped me on a ton of the obstacles. Benjamin went ahead of the rest of us and did awesome. Chris, John and Tyler, as mentioned before, were kind enough to wait for me even though I know I held them up. 

Yep, it's official. They're all much more buff than I am.

Once I got home, Jessica was more than excited to take some photos. "Finisher." As Nic Cage would say, "High praise."

The girls legitimately look like they love me in the picture, right? So if all it takes for me to get their love is run a crazy obstacle course, I'll do that every Saturday. Oh wait. No I won't. I'm hurting just thinking about that.

This was actually taken after everything was hosed off. I can't believe the bib stayed on. So much water. So much mud.

Yes, I'm flexing. Stop laughing.

And for the last picture, I thought it was a little funny that I ran out of my regular deodorant (not pictured) the same day as the race. I had these two unused sticks from some product giveaways at work from a while back. I think the names say it all. And for the record, I went with Swagger for the day. I'll be getting my regular deodorant again here shortly. There's only so much Swagger I can pull off. (Hint: It's not a lot.)

In all seriousness, I'm really glad I did the race. It turns out that I've actually enjoyed getting out and running a couple nights a week the last little bit. Having a goal to work towards (even though I should have started working much, much earlier) is great motivation to get in better shape and I know I need something like that to spur me into action. So I'll be prepping for a 5K here in the near future and then I'll think about longer distances for later this year. No concrete promises, but I'll certainly be doing more physical activity in 2014 than in years past. And as for next year and this Spartan Race? I would like to do it again, hopefully with more preparation before the race and less burpees during it. And I think I'll have a new partner in crime. Let's just say Ethan is very excited that there are youth versions of the race and he really wants in on the "fun." Sounds good to me.