Lilies for Lily

When I was pregnant with Alex (before we knew what we were having), I envisioned another little boy and another little girl coming to our family.  We had already been waiting for "baby Alex" since I was pregnant with Jane, and once Alex joined the family, it seemed as if it was only a matter of time before "baby Lily" joined as well.  My first pregnancy after Alex ended at 6 weeks and it devastated me.  I was so certain it was Lily.  The baby was even due at the end of June, when all my favorite orange day lilies are blooming, and it just seemed perfect.

When I was pregnant with Isaac -- before we knew what we were having -- I still envisioned Lily, but another little boy popped into my mind as well.  I envisioned a sneaky little trickster, who was always laughing and bouncing off the walls.  {Fun fact -- that's why his name is Isaac; it means "laughter."} When we went in for the ultrasound, the family was split down the middle on who was Team Isaac coming to the family vs. Team Lily.  When we saw that it was a boy, I have to admit I was a bit flabbergasted.  I was so sure it was going to be a girl.  I had never planned on having 7 children, but when baby number 6 turned out to be a boy, I thought that perhaps it just wasn't Lily's time to come yet.

 "Yellow Lollipop"

 "Little Grapette"

When I discovered I was pregnant last fall, I was elated.  I was so happy and it felt so right that this was the completion of our family.  Even more perfectly, the baby was once again due at the end of June when all my favorite day lilies are blooming.  It all seemed meant to be.  

 "Gypsy Turtle"

 "Mauna Loa"

And then I found out my pregnancy wasn't viable.  At 10 weeks, after going in for a routine check up and ultrasound to determine the due date, I was greeted on screen with the image of an empty womb.  To be honest, it was all very surreal and numbing, and in the moment it was difficult to process what all of it meant -- not just that I would miscarry, but also, what about baby Lily?  This was my {personal} last chance for having another baby.  I'm getting older, and the space between Isaac and another baby was already getting wider.  And I truly felt that this was my last pregnancy.  

 "Big Time Happy"

 "Byzantine Emperor"

As I stared at the monitor and saw an empty womb, the first thought that came to mind was of the empty tomb.  Two such opposite symbols -- one of loss and sorrow, the other of hope and rejoicing.  I don't pretend to know everything, but I do know that through the Savior's Atonement and Resurrection, everything can be made whole again.

 "Hey There"

 "Adorable Tiger"

In the here and now, we chose to celebrate our little Lily on her due date (June 30th) by having a family memorial and planting some lilies in her honor.  I took the kids to Home Depot the day before to pick out their favorite day lily to plant, and I love the variety of them all.  Each of their choices were so perfectly representative of their personalities that it felt like a very individualized tribute from each of them.

Those who know me well know that the meanings of names are really important to me.  As I've been reflecting over the last couple of months, I've realized that Lily has been named perfectly all along.  With a meaning that symbolizes purity, I think her spirit was just too pure and perfect for this earth.  I am so thankful that families are forever.  It was a sweet and tender memorial having my family gathered around me as we planted our lilies for Lily.  The fact that every year on June 30th these lilies will be in bloom again seems beautifully symbolic as well.

{I was tickled when I found this "Adorable Tiger" Day Lily, because I had already nicknamed her my little tiger Lily in my mind.}

An unexpected and added bonus was the blooming the very next week of these Asiatic Lilies that the previous owners had planted before us.