Lighting the World

This Christmas, our Church has launched a Light the World initiative to help celebrate the season while spreading the light and love of Christ to others.  "25 ways, 25 days" is the tagline, and because  today's way has been so incredibly pertinent to our family this past week, I couldn't let it pass by without sharing my gratitude for all of the love, prayers, and kindness I have felt over the past few days.

 

Day 12 -- "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted."  (Matthew 5:4)

Last Thursday, I went in for what should have been a routine ultrasound to determine the due date for our newest little bundle of joy.  What the technician discovered instead, was an empty gestational sac.  Clearly, we hadn't announced a pregnancy yet on the blog, but family and friends nearby had been told, and -- even though it sounds nuts -- we were excited to be adding a final little caboose to this crazy train of ours.

I should be 11 weeks pregnant -- and technically I still am -- but there is no baby.  As I stared at the monitor and tried to make sense of what I was seeing, I have to admit that I was confused, but not shocked.  In a lot of ways, I feel like I have been holding this pregnancy at arm's length -- never being comfortable enough to fully claim it -- because I couldn't shake the feeling that something might be wrong.  Perhaps it's because I've thought it so weird that I haven't had any morning sickness this time around like I've had with all the others.  Or perhaps I was just being prepared for this news.  Either way, I have been able to accept this situation far more easily than I did when I miscarried between Alex and Isaac.  I'm pretty sure the same thing caused that miscarriage (a blighted ovum), only it happened much earlier on -- around 6 weeks -- and I was much more of a mess afterwards.

The biggest difference between that time and this one, though, is that last time I was practically all alone.  Scott knew, obviously, as did our family, but we hadn't told anyone yet that we were even pregnant, and only two of my closest friends here knew what was happening.  This time has been so different.  I know it's a very personal decision as to when to tell others you are expecting, but for ME, it has been a blessing that so many knew.  I have felt overwhelmed with the amount of love and kindness that has come our way since the word got out.  The fact that so many people are thinking of me and praying for me and sending love my way is almost incomprehensible.  From flowers to cookies to prayers to hugs to text messages to meals made for our family, I feel so extraordinarily grateful and blessed.  My world has truly been lit because of the loving service of these friends.

I will be okay.  Like our family theme for the year says, "WE CAN DO IT!"  We can do hard things.  I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and I trust that His plans are far better than mine.  And that's a fact.