On Being Kind

Being kind is a big subject in our house. Having a 3 and a 1 1/2 year old, I try and stress the importance of being kind. It all started a couple of months ago...

You see, Ethan had a few run-ins with other children at the park. He's an active kid with semi-bully -ish tendencies and was having a really hard time remembering that it is not okay to hit or to push or to throw woodchips at other kids while we're playing at the park. So, in incident number 1, Ethan threw woodchips right in a little girl's face as she was coming down the slide. Now, I saw this happen and I jumped right in and grabbed Ethan, reprimanded him, made him apologize and gave him a time-out in the stroller. The mom of this kid apparently didn't think enough ado was made over the incident because she continued to brush woodchips out of her daughter's hair and face for the next 5 minutes as she sat down right next to us on the curb consoling her daughter that she was going to be okay. Now, I know my kid was in the wrong. Its not okay to throw woodchips at people, but hello?! Has her kid never done anything to hurt another child? They're just kids!

Now on to incident number 2. A few days later, we were at a different park, and this time as Ethan was sliding down the slide he rammed right into a little boy who was probably about 1 year old. Now, in Ethan's defense, I'm not sure if this was done on purpose (although it wouldn't surprise me), because I was busy helping Grace up the ladder and I didn't want her to fall. Once again, I got a semi-fussing from another parent that I needed to watch my kid to make sure he didn't hurt her little boy again because he was only 1. I think her exact words were "he needs to be careful."

So, finally we get to incident number 3, which was the straw that broke the camel's back. A couple of weeks later we were at the first park again, when the same lady and her kids were there. Now, I was just sitting on the side talking to some friends when one of them said, "uh oh, I think Ethan is pushing that little girl." So, I look up to see Ethan sitting at the top of one of the baby slides and pushing a little girl. Now, seeing as to how it was the same little girl from the woodchips incident and seeing as to how her mom was again right there, I jumped up to run over and stop Ethan, and I was half-way there when this other mom YELLS at the top of her voice right at Ethan saying (and I will use all caps because thats how loud she was yelling): "HEY! STOP PUSHING HER! YOU DON'T EVER PUSH SOMEONE WHEN THEY'RE AT THE TOP OF THE SLIDE!" What I don't get, however (and maybe you'll disagree), is that she was standing literally 2 feet from where her daughter was at the top of the slide. Two steps and she could have easily grabbed her daughter if she was in any real danger. Ethan was, once again, in the wrong, and shouldn't have been pushing. But I can't imagine yelling the way she did at someone else's child that you don't even know. The whole park literally fell silent and was staring at the incident. Needless to say I just grabbed the kids and after apologizing we just left the park.

But, I digress. The point of these stories is to show that we've been working very hard on kindness since these incidents. I have now insitituted a zero tolerance policy for the park. Ethan now knows that if he pushes or hits or throws woodchips or hurts anyone, he has to sit in the stroller until its time to go home. I'm happy to say that he has only had to endure this punishment once, and since then he has been remarkably well-behaved at the park.

Now that we've gotten that under-control, we're trying to work on our words. Specifically on eradicating the phrase "Go away" from both Ethan and Grace's vocabulary. This has become they're favorite thing to yell at people and its driving me nuts. At first I tried threatening with hot sauce -- but that didn't work. Then I tried supplying them with substitute phrases that are kind such as "hi," or "how are you?" or "do you want to be my friend?" And while that kind of works sometimes, more often than not what I hear from the kids is "go away!" followed immediately (after a quick look at me) by "Hi!" Yes my children are very charming. Its funny to hear what they're absorbing though, because the other day when they were sitting at the table, Grace yelled at Ethan to go away, he looked at her very sternly and said "Gracie, you need to be kind." Grace's new response is "go away, friend!"

Well, I thought I was going somewhere with these stories, but apparently I'm not. So, on that note I'll end for tonight. I hope everyone has a fun 4th of July. Hopefully we'll have some fun pictures to post after the weekend.