Mr. Mom

As I'm sure you already know, Ms. Jessica got her single lady on last week as she headed out to her sister’s wedding. So while she provided a great recap of those few days from her perspective, Jessica asked me to provide the good, the bad, and the ugly of how things went for me on the homefront. And I have a sneaking suspicion that you are all hoping for more of the bad and the ugly. Go ahead, admit it.

A few pertinent facts to consider before I provide a chronological recap of the proceedings:

• We have 5 children.
• They are all 10 years old or younger. 
• They are all opinionated/spirited/energetic/headstrong and in every sense a true cocktail of genes from a mom who was "too intense for practicality" as a kid and a dad who literally would bounce a ball anywhere he went as a child and once got his name on the board in 4th grade with not one, not two, not three, but 4 checks next to it. 
• None of these facts changed while Jessica was out of town.

WEDNESDAY

So the journey began on Wednesday afternoon with a drive to the airport to drop Jessica off. Despite repeatedly telling them over and over and over again that they were NOT joining Jessica for the trip and that we were merely dropping her off at the airport, both Jane and Alex were crestfallen to actually stay in the car. Jane came around relatively quickly, but Alex really struggled (a word which here means "went back and forth between crying out for his mother and sobbing uncontrollably") with this realization the entire drive home. This made for an awesome first 40 minutes without my wife. I certainly thought it was a terrible start to the experience.

But a funny thing happened the rest of the afternoon and into the evening.

After I got home, I parked the kids (all 5 of ‘em at this point) in front of the TV while I handled a couple work phone calls that I wasn’t expecting. When I finished the calls and we started to get ready for dinner, I asked the kids to turn off the TV so we could eat -- and they listened. No, I think I need to emphasize that a little more. And. They. Listened. They cooperated. They didn’t complain about whatever we were eating. I think I heard a please or a thank you in there somewhere. When the behavior continued past dinner into our bedtime routines, I wasn’t sure how to react. The whole thing was some combination of stupendous, tremendous, delightful, surprising, alarming and eyebrow-raising (Sophie style, of course). And while I was elated (or maybe just gassy?) about the development, it’s not like I thought this would be sustainable and I certainly didn’t think I had cracked the code on parenting. In fact, when I said thanks to the kids for listening the first time and not really putting up a fight about anything I was asking them to do, Grace replied with, “Mom asked us to take it easy on you.” Oh … well then. I guess Jessica will be pleased to know that they occasionally listen to her. So there’s that. Side note and perhaps separate post altogether … should I be encouraged or depressed by the fact that our children listen to our words and obey more when we aren’t around? I choose encouraged.  The rest of the night was uneventful, which is somewhat eventful in and of itself.

THURSDAY

It was an earlier start than normal on Thursday so I could both get ready for work and get the kids ready for school. But again, it was relatively smooth sailing as lunches were packed and I got the two little ones ready to be babysat (shout out to Barb) for the day so I could go to work. When I got home from work, the evening again went OK. The moon and stars aligned and the kids went down without much of a fight (or any that I can remember). And despite the relative cooperation, I was still exhausted and so I settled into the couch to watch something on TV. And let’s just say the exhaustion won that battle, which is essentially when the “fun” began. Which brings us to ...

FRIDAY 

The next thing I knew, I was waking up to the sound of a door banging. It took me a second to realize what was going on, but one thing was clear is that I had fallen asleep on the couch. I hustled upstairs in my stupor to find Jane trying to get out of her room. She was fine, but just wide awake and ready to party. All the commotion woke up Grace and Sophie too, and when I noticed that this was still sometime before 4 a.m., I realized I was in trouble. So I did what any sane, rational parent would do … I let them all come downstairs and watch TV while I tried to sleep through it all. I’m sure this line of thinking made sense in my head in some way or another, but in hindsight I realize how ridiculous it sounds. So I curled back up on the couch and faded back to sleep listening to the sweet, dulcet tones of Cole and Dylan Sprouse (oh Suite Life, you horrific show, you) while my three girls ate who knows what and lounged on the couch. 

Shockingly, the kids all made it off to school. I can only imagine what state Grace and Sophie were in for learning that day. I took the day off of work and yes, it was already planned that way long before the all night Suite Life party. I will say though, the overnight shenanigans not only zapped me of my strength, but also any motivation to get a lot done around the house. So I didn't. And so here are a couple shots from the festivities (various viewings of Frozen unpictured):

At some point we went out on the trampoline. Yes, Jane was wearing her nightgown. I’m quite sure she still had on her Easy Up from the night before. Stop judging.

 

 

These two pictures really were quite tragic for our little superhero in training. I put Alex down for his nap and it went smoothly enough. But about 30 minutes after I put him down, I heard some pretty frantic screams and cries from his room. I still have no idea how he managed to do it, but he got his foot lodged in that Little People toy. It was stuck so bad I literally got a screwdriver and started to take the toy apart to dislodge his foot, but luckily we were eventually able to wiggle the foot free. Needless to say, he wasn’t interested in continuing on with his nap.

Alex wanted to say hi to his mom, so I sent her this picture. And it proves that the foot incident was merely traumatic enough to skip a nap, not traumatic enough to keep him down and out for the day. Super healing powers perhaps?

I made a quick run to the store that evening to stock up on some essentials. Somehow a few non-essentials made it into the shopping cart and eventually made their way home as well, including Cap'n Crunch, Root Beer, Pink Lemonade, Squirt, Popsicles, potato chips, etc. Just typing all of that makes me feel kind of guilty again, but only kind of. The kids were understandably shocked with every contraband item I pulled from the shopping bags, and so I very much had their undivided attention. They ate some junk (literally) and watched some rubbish (not really) and then hit the sack. 

SATURDAY

Honestly, I don't even remember anything important that happened on Saturday.  It was much like most Saturdays around here: some halfhearted efforts at chores mixed with melodramatic bellyaching. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm sure they watched more TV than they should have. And no, I didn't get much done around the house. I survived though and that deserves some credit, right? Right????

A silly good night pic to mom. 

 And a sweet one. As an aside, Mr. Mom not looking quite so ruggedly handsome as the 1980's Michael Keaton version. Just sayin'. 

SUNDAY

And then there was the blessed day of rest. It's no secret that Sundays are difficult for our "Family Circus." I promise you that we try. And I honestly think that sometimes the kids try. But this particular Sunday was a bit of an unfair fight, don't you think? I was flying solo (with one less hour of sleep thanks to Daylight Savings), so I lowered my expectations to  subterranean levels. We technically made it to church relatively on time ... and proceeded to stay seated quietly in the pew for roughly 3 and a half minutes (we usually make it about 5 minutes). Which brings us to the below picture.

 This was Grace running school during Sacrament meeting with her younger siblings in one of the side rooms. It may have been Sunday, but this wasn't Sunday School. Ethan was understandably upset about this arrangement for the first hour of church and he made sure to let me hear about it. But to his credit, he sat through the whole meeting by himself.

And in other Father of the Year potential news, Jane kind of sort of had a talk to give in Primary that I may or may not have written for her while Grace was running her "school." Jane was supposed to give the talk the week before, but the neverending winter of malcontent cancelled the last two hours of church that day. So I was writing one just in case she had to give it anyway. And after total confusion on my part, which was also entirely my fault, there were tears from Jane as she thought I wasn't going to stay and help her with her talk. I did end up helping her with the talk and she came through in the clutch like a champion. I'm telling you, that kid melts my heart.

Sunday afternoon snack made by Ethan Crocker. These for sure had real sugar in them, not sugar substitutes. 10 bonus points if you can guess who ended up cleaning up the mess? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't the one who made the cookies. Sigh. 

And after some "No Bakes," a couple movies that we normally wouldn't watch on Sundays (remember, no judging), and an actually pretty impressive dinner that I made from scratch (feel free to judge now), it was time for Jessica to come home. Well, I wouldn't have protested an earlier return, but I was really happy for her to get away. She most certainly deserved it. And not to get too sappy with this, but she truly is the best wife and mom. Staying home with the kids for a few days made me realize that, yet again. And if she'll hang out with me forever, I'm more than happy to hang out with the kids on my own for a few days.