The Before
The After
The After
And now for a story and a plea for advice. So, I have a two toddlers. A three-year-old and an almost-two-year-old. We live in an apartment complex with neighbors directly beneath us. On last Wednesday, I let Ethan and Grace stay up a little bit later than their bedtime to wait for Sarah to get in town. Once Sarah got here, they were very excited to see her and got a little hyper and were running all around and playing. As I was rounding them up to get them ready for bed for real (and it was only about 7:30 at night), I get a knock on the door and there's this guy there asking if I could keep the kids from banging around because he lives below us and he was trying to study for finals and couldn't concentrate because of all the noise. I apologized and said I'd keep them quiet and they were going to bed soon anyway. So he left, and meanwhile I'm thinking they weren't even being that loud. And this is the brat in me, but hasn't he heard of a library if he wants total quiet while studying?
I didn't think much of it, other than feeling a little bad if the kids are bugging them all the time with their running around. And then over the course of the last week -- or I guess it really started a couple of days ago -- we've noticed that if the kids are running around or jumping they'll bang on their ceiling, I guess to let us know that we're being too loud. Well, don't get me wrong. Its not that I don't see their side, but when they're banging on the ceiling in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY when the kids are just playing, I think thats a bit extreme and rude. So, the last time it happened (yesterday around 6 PM) I decided if they continued to do this I was going to have to go down and talk to them. So today at FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON, Ethan and Grace were fighting over something and banged into the floor a few times, and as I was putting Ethan in his room for a time-out, I heard the banging on the ceiling again. I was so ticked off at this point, that I just went right down there to talk to them.
So, I probably should have waited until I had calmed down a little, and the result of my conversation was sort of a standstill. I asked the girl who answered the door if they were banging on the ceiling and she replied that they keep getting woken up by my kids and that they tried to ask nicely and that she wishes we would just be a little more considerate because -- and I quote -- "it just gets a little old" to be woken up at 8 AM every Saturday morning by our children. I countered by pointing out that they're not banging on the ceiling at 8 in the morning but during the middle of the day when the kids are just playing, and that they are 2 toddlers who can't be controlled every second of the day and that I understand that they don't like being woken up early but its not like they're being woken up in the middle of the night (my kids are both in bed by 7 o'clock every night, for pete's sake!) and that I think its really rude to be banging on the ceiling in the middle of the day and that I'm doing the best I can to keep them quiet and its not like I'm telling them to run around and make lots of noise to bother our neighbors. Thats the gist of the conversation. So, basically I told her I'd appreciate it if she didn't bang on the ceiling anymore and she told me that she'd appreciate it if we were a little more considerate about waking them up so early.
Now, after this happened, I was so upset I could hardly talk to tell Scott about it. I mean come on. Its the middle of the day! And not that I don't agree that it sucks to be woken up by children before you're ready to get up, but at least they wake them up at 8 AM and not 5 or 6 in the morning. They clearly don't have children, and when they do, it will be quite the wake-up call for them! All evening long I've been worrying whenever the kids make any kind of noise and I've been stressed to the point where I even decided at one point that we need to move, because there's no way I can handle walking on eggshells and keeping the kids on tippy toes for the rest of the time they live here. Especially once winter arrives and we're really stuck inside all day long. And its not like we can train them to sleep in longer. Because believe me, if we could we would have done it a LONG time ago.
Now that the kids are in bed, and I've had some time to calm down, I'm feeling really bad. I'm teaching this Sunday in Relief Society and was planning on working some more on my lesson tonight while the kids were in bed. However, I wasn't able to work on it because I was still so upset and then the irony hit me. My topic for this week's "Teachings for our Times" lesson is Charity, Kindness, and Tolerance. Talk about a guilt trip. I totally feel like the biggest hypocrite and that I can't even begin to work on my lesson until I rectify this situation. I realize now that I've calmed down that I should have taken a different and more kind approach in talking to her. I know that I shouldn't have gone down while I was still so upset. I DO feel bad that my kids are so noisy and wake them up in the morning. I'd be ticked, too. They're my own kids and I hate being woken up early by them. I can imagine that its even more annoying when they're not even your kids.
So, now on to the plea for advice. What should I do? I know I should apologize, but I'm just kind of embarrased now! And is it too cheesy/Molly Mormon to bring like cookies or some kind of treat along with my apology? I just don't know exactly how I should do this.
Anyway, thats all the stories I have for today. On an exciting note, Scott started orientation today for business school and he's really enjoying everything so far. I even took a picture of him on his first day of school. He didn't want to take pictures in front of the Tanner building, so I took some outside our apartment. But I also snuck a picture of him as he was walking in the doors of the Tanner building using my handy dandy zoom button so he wouldn't be too embarrassed. Hahaha.
I didn't think much of it, other than feeling a little bad if the kids are bugging them all the time with their running around. And then over the course of the last week -- or I guess it really started a couple of days ago -- we've noticed that if the kids are running around or jumping they'll bang on their ceiling, I guess to let us know that we're being too loud. Well, don't get me wrong. Its not that I don't see their side, but when they're banging on the ceiling in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY when the kids are just playing, I think thats a bit extreme and rude. So, the last time it happened (yesterday around 6 PM) I decided if they continued to do this I was going to have to go down and talk to them. So today at FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON, Ethan and Grace were fighting over something and banged into the floor a few times, and as I was putting Ethan in his room for a time-out, I heard the banging on the ceiling again. I was so ticked off at this point, that I just went right down there to talk to them.
So, I probably should have waited until I had calmed down a little, and the result of my conversation was sort of a standstill. I asked the girl who answered the door if they were banging on the ceiling and she replied that they keep getting woken up by my kids and that they tried to ask nicely and that she wishes we would just be a little more considerate because -- and I quote -- "it just gets a little old" to be woken up at 8 AM every Saturday morning by our children. I countered by pointing out that they're not banging on the ceiling at 8 in the morning but during the middle of the day when the kids are just playing, and that they are 2 toddlers who can't be controlled every second of the day and that I understand that they don't like being woken up early but its not like they're being woken up in the middle of the night (my kids are both in bed by 7 o'clock every night, for pete's sake!) and that I think its really rude to be banging on the ceiling in the middle of the day and that I'm doing the best I can to keep them quiet and its not like I'm telling them to run around and make lots of noise to bother our neighbors. Thats the gist of the conversation. So, basically I told her I'd appreciate it if she didn't bang on the ceiling anymore and she told me that she'd appreciate it if we were a little more considerate about waking them up so early.
Now, after this happened, I was so upset I could hardly talk to tell Scott about it. I mean come on. Its the middle of the day! And not that I don't agree that it sucks to be woken up by children before you're ready to get up, but at least they wake them up at 8 AM and not 5 or 6 in the morning. They clearly don't have children, and when they do, it will be quite the wake-up call for them! All evening long I've been worrying whenever the kids make any kind of noise and I've been stressed to the point where I even decided at one point that we need to move, because there's no way I can handle walking on eggshells and keeping the kids on tippy toes for the rest of the time they live here. Especially once winter arrives and we're really stuck inside all day long. And its not like we can train them to sleep in longer. Because believe me, if we could we would have done it a LONG time ago.
Now that the kids are in bed, and I've had some time to calm down, I'm feeling really bad. I'm teaching this Sunday in Relief Society and was planning on working some more on my lesson tonight while the kids were in bed. However, I wasn't able to work on it because I was still so upset and then the irony hit me. My topic for this week's "Teachings for our Times" lesson is Charity, Kindness, and Tolerance. Talk about a guilt trip. I totally feel like the biggest hypocrite and that I can't even begin to work on my lesson until I rectify this situation. I realize now that I've calmed down that I should have taken a different and more kind approach in talking to her. I know that I shouldn't have gone down while I was still so upset. I DO feel bad that my kids are so noisy and wake them up in the morning. I'd be ticked, too. They're my own kids and I hate being woken up early by them. I can imagine that its even more annoying when they're not even your kids.
So, now on to the plea for advice. What should I do? I know I should apologize, but I'm just kind of embarrased now! And is it too cheesy/Molly Mormon to bring like cookies or some kind of treat along with my apology? I just don't know exactly how I should do this.
Anyway, thats all the stories I have for today. On an exciting note, Scott started orientation today for business school and he's really enjoying everything so far. I even took a picture of him on his first day of school. He didn't want to take pictures in front of the Tanner building, so I took some outside our apartment. But I also snuck a picture of him as he was walking in the doors of the Tanner building using my handy dandy zoom button so he wouldn't be too embarrassed. Hahaha.
19 comments:
TURN OFF THAT OVEN!!! Don't bake cookies, you'll end up eating more than you give away. You handled the situation just as you should. You went straight to the source instead of some sort of "knocking code" on your floor. Probably the next step would be to contact your landlord/manager to see if their apartment needs to be moved into a quieter zone, a/k/a outerspace or perhaps at least "outer" Utah if you want to get away from small children.
I really think that if they are new to the building they would be allowed to move into a different apartment, perhaps an upper floor. You've been in that bldg. for years with no complaints. Don't let this mess with your head too much Jess. It's the price one pays until home ownership. Have a lovely day dawlin'...love ya
Jessica, mama is right!
Also, as someone who REALLLY abused their upstair tenant noise rights (just ask the Blacks, they were always so sweet but I know we sounded like a bunch of rhinos upstairs--all day and night long--my kids never had 7:30 bedtimes, they were up at all hours.. and actually my sister and I dancing around the living room at 10 pm probably was REALLY rude...I'm a little embarrassed about that actually). So maybe I'm not the best person to give advice...
but I'd say next time they bang--don't tell the kids to slow down or anything, just take a deep breath and tell yourself this is life, they're just gonna have to deal with it!
Yeah, mama spoke like a true E.Jean.
I agree 100%! You can't live/change your life to make someone else's life better at your own expense! Besides you busting your butt trying to keep the kids a little more quiet, won't make them any happier. They probably get upset about tip-toeing too.
P.S. send the cookies my way. I like your Mrs. Fields cookies please.
love ya!
Oh i forgot to comment about ethans hair. He looked so funny (in a very cute way) in the after mug shot. he kinda looked like jacob once again. i wanted to give him a big squeeze after looking at those pictures. i miss you guys so much it hurts!!! I was joking around with Jeremy the other night how half of my family lives in Utah, my 2 best friends (Brooke and Lindsay) and his brother and wife, and sister Shannon and her husband all live in Utah. How I wish we were there!!
Congrats to Scott. I would have been MEGA-EMBARRASSED to take a picture in front of Tanner Bldg. Jess - you know that! and I think thats why you wanted to do it!!! hahahaha. ( i would want to do the same thing!) ;)
Now I don't have kids but I do remember living in apartment buildings and coming across similar complaints. I remember one time doing Tae-bo in Liberty Square Apartments at 8:00 p.m. on a Friday night (obviously didn't have much of a life) but having the girls below us - come upstairs and tell us we were being too loud. It was a Friday night and we were all in college!
Anyway - I think you actually handled it very well. Like others suggested - I would maybe talk to the manager and express your concern FIRST before they have a chance to get to them. And just leave it as is. They are just being kids!
definitely get to the management first. i am sure that the management has dealt with it before and they will have good advice on how to proceed. you both pay rent so you both have rights!espeically during the day!
the cookies are a good idea. especially if you eat at LEAST half of them. baby #3 needs nourishment!
we had the same problem about 3 years ago when we first moved to tuscaloosa. we had neither child, nor dog at the time and the chick below complained that we walked too hard. not only was i was scared to death to make any noise after that, but i was beginning to wonder if i was grossly overweight to be making that much noise just by walking.
i am proud though that you went down and said something instead of letting the ceiling banging become the norm.
I have had the same problem. We don't have downstairs neighbors but my screaming banshee of a boy bugged the renters of the cottage on the same property. She knocked on the door to welcome me to the neighborhood by telling me how loud we were and that this is a quiet neighborhood. It's not, I have chickens waking me up at all hours. I got all worked up about it and tried to keep the kids quiet. I became a stress case and I swear the kids were even louder and I was all upset. If I were you I would just apoligize because it will make you feel better and dispel some awkwardness when you see them. But say you keep them as quiet as you can keep two toddlers and you will continue to have nightime be quiet hours out of respect for the neighbors. Just let it roll off of you. You have other things to concentrate on.
I still think it's funny. You should recommend them to live in the apartment next to ours, then they can really complain about being woken up too early, heavens, I get excited when my boys sleep in until 7:00. I can only dream of 8. They'd be begging to live under you after one weekend by us!
Ummmm.....you already know how I feel about this, seeing as I had the exact same problem two months ago, except the escalation of mine to neighbor lady accusing us of neglect because we let our boys squeal outside at 9 am over a GREAT bug!
Honestly, we just let it go and continue to let them be kids. I bet, five years from now your neighbors will be soooooo embarassed that they tried to get you to quiet down two toddlers. Reality is, they live in Provo, baby capital of the world, HELLO!
Instead of cookies--save those for someone you love--wrap up some nice earplugs--give them a little note saying---now you control the noise level of my toddlers! Ha! Don't give it another thought! What really matters in the end is that Ethan and Grace get to be kids!
Love the pictures of Scott, and what your Mom said, that's
A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
do NOT apologize to them and do NOT make cookies. You are okay Jessica. They should be the ones moving if they don't like their situation. Don't feel guilt. You were right to defend your children's rights to be children!!! You're a good and thoughtful person and you can give the lesson on Sunday without any regret! no cookies, no apologies and let your kids be kids.
i hate walking on eggshells. my story...we were in hawaii, and air condition is almost non-existent there. everyone just runs fans and has opened windows. well, my kids of course would wake up early (seeing as there is a 5 hour time difference) and it was such a pain to try and keep them quiet so everyone else could sleep. mya also decided to wake up in the middle of the night and cry until we had our neighbor yell out some type of profanity. i spent along time holed up in the bathroom with mya that night watching dora. i was glad to return home. i feel your pain!
It's a consensus . . . you don't need to apologize. I feel your pain. It is hard enough to keep kids semi-tamed . . if your neighbors only knew how much energy 2 toddlers REALLY have!!LOL.
Congrats to Scott. Also, I didn't comment on your last post. . . congrats on baby #3!!!!
I am seriously laughing. Not at you in particular but Nancy's comment. Turn off the oven. Classic. Anyways, sorry to hear about your rude neighbors.
Ironically we had the same thing happen to us living in our apartment in Provo. We were on the second floor and had a single guy living below us. He too would bang a broom of some sort if we were being too loud. I can only imagine what he thought of us when I was training Taylor to sleep through the night for a week!
On another note when we were first married we lived in Cambridge Court and heard other loud noises below us with music mixed in. So whats worse that or kids?? I think their equally painful. Blow them off my friend.
I say blow them off and thats what you get for living in apartments. You have to expect to hear noise and they probably knew there would be kids. Hello ....you live in Provo for heavens sakes!
P.S. Loves Ethan's new do. My kids usually have some sort of mullet because they REFUSE to sit still and I am just too cheap to take them anywhere.
Oh, and I say BANG right on back!
jess - what's the latest in the creer household? i need visuals!
Pictures walking into the building on the first day are great for scrapbooking but I want to see him slathered on the couch after his first full week of school with a deer in the headlights look wondering if he's really ready to do this for another 59 weeks! Now that would be epic! Nevermind...I now have the perfect visual!
JB>
Did Scott get a haircut for his first day of school? I like the before and after pictures of Ethan... classic.
Goodness...you guys moved to a basement on a mountain side in Provo....not to the bottom of Utah Lake. If we can't get a little more lagniappe postings can we PLEASE have more spy photos of Scott going to school? Perhaps suprise him coming out of a class or when he finally decides to come to bed at 2am. It's really not that much to ask for I promise.
This totally reminds me of the other Jessica's experience. They _obviously_ don't have children. Mine are only a month old and I see that clock all day AND night long. You're doing the best you can, and they need to be kids, too. I don't get the afternoon thing at all. Some day they'll probably realize that what they were asking was a bit unrealistic. :)
p.s. I think the haircut is so cute. You did a good job.
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